omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
