I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
