There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
