No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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