i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
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