She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Plan B is the new Plan A
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
