new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
