If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
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