All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Dignity is for republicans.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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