need another drink. this is the easiest way
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
