i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
and you fell through a lawn chair
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
