can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
