I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
