8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
