Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
