I skipped work to stalk him.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
