Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Sorry about my life...
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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