Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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