We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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