Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Houston, we have a squirter
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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