when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
