Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
