It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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