Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
