she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
