Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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