1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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