Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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