i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
