All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize