I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize