I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
