She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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