I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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