She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
