I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
