You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
