I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
