at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
