im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
