You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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