This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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