and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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