Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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