ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
