I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
