he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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