i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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