i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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