apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
