it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
