y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I want her autograph on my taint
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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