I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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