matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
