look no pants
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Randomize
