...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
