Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
