So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I should be sponsored by Trojan
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
