There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
